notes from the workplace

Babies
Her clothes frighten me. Like those of Christina Applegate, but older and tackier and maybe not the clothes of Christina Applegate herself but the babies of Christina Applegate's clothes and a muumuu.

The Importance of a Greeting
Black, hard, beady little eyes stare at me, drill holes into the back of my neck. He's either on crack or just didn't take his allergy medicine this morning because he's wirey, frenetic, irritable and his eyes are passed bloodshot. Next time I'll say 'good morning' before I ask him a question.

Never take two Cool Mint Icebreakers at once
Breath fresheners should lighten and brighten your breath. They should not numb your tongue, mouth and throat. I wanted a mint, not chloraseptic.

Typos
(See if you can spot it)
War Memorial Auditorium
8000+ Business Execs
40+ Caterers
300+ Exhibitionists
(time for a new copy editor)

Snowbird
Her hair is a dull orange with the shine and curl of a clown's wig. Her Florida address (she can't be bothered to remember it) is written on the inside of her purse in big, bold letters. Neighboring this information is her phone number and "the password I always use for everything".

Need I comment? Really?