now there's sentiment i didn't think i would ever have to express

"Fred!" (Fred is my almost-4 year old basset hound) "Don't eat the tampon!"

But then again you wouldn't expect me to have to tell him not to eat the Styrofoam or the plastic bags either. Yeah, he’s a dumbass.

And, btw, Stevie Wonder singing 'Ave Maria'... Yeah, bizarre.

Without you here, there is less to say.
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy.
What is closer to the truth?
But if I live to a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you.

the parrot bay rum; you can taste the coconut

I woke up to a hangover today without the fun part of actually drinking last night. So I am thinking I might be the hostage of some disease and what's sad is this won't even get me out of work because there's no one to replace me.

I am dead on my feet, dizzy and my mouth tastes like Pee Wee Herman's brain on wet toast. Blech. No matter how many Altoids I crunch on down, I feel like the next person I talk to is going to leave with their hair singed and their nostrils burning.

If you leave a tuna salad out on a wooden table three miles from home while a woman you don't know yells at you about her birthday in spanish and you think you have the right to buy your girl best friend panties for Christmas but you're worried about what your boyfriend and her mother will think of you if you do, what color is the sky you rode to work on?

I should have a little captain in me. I'd at least have an excuse.

for sale: one soul, used & beaten. will trade for new Nikon of equal value.

Ever think about how very dumb the name Christmas is? It's like Harrymas. Bettymas. Mattmas, Beckymas, Jeffmas, Stanleymas. Thomasmas. Heh.

The lady over at the Dunkin Donuts from across the street knows me so well that when I was short the $5 I didn't have in my purse that I thought I did, she told me I could pay her back tomorrow. I don't know if that's cool on her account or just pathetic on mine.

I want to be in New Jersey right now. I hate Florida. I want to be able to drive for 40 minutes and be in Philly and take pictures every weekend.

Philly is like a photographer's dream in a way. Such diversity in all things, people, architecture, additudes.

The Ben Franklin Hotel (or whatever it is called; damn, I need a book on that whole city) is amazing on the inside. Just incredible. And the ballroom is astounding.

Is it wrong that I am thinking of ebaying/hawking everything I might get for X-Mas so that I can buy a really, really nice camera? I saw a couple at Best Buy that were decent. Hmmm... My dog is AKC certified. It's a shame they neutered him. He'd be worth more with the balls.

never, ever, ever jerk off in the same napkin twice

-and other great tidbits from my lovely brother. That's right folks!! Free admission Dec 25th thru Jan 3rd!! My place. BYOB.

You don't even want to know the rest of the story. That poor carpet.

frosty doesn't stand a chance, but let the snowy bastard try his luck

Yes, it's SEASON'S GREETINGS time from the state where even the fake snowmen melt:

So, here are some lovely pictures.

Can't tell what those are? Well, here's a close up:

They are little Santas with blue mitts that light up at night.

Hmmm... Asahi says he has decided that they must be old because not everyone has them. This of course means Walgreen's doesn't have them on FUCKING SALE. Why does Asahi know this? BECAUSE IF THEY DID HAVE THEM ON SALE EVERYONE AND HIS AUNT'S LEFT TITTIE WOULD HAVE THEM. LIKE THE SNOWMEN AND THE GRINCH'S AND THE FUCKING POOH-BEARS THAT ADORN EVERY FUCKING GODDAMN LAWN.

Eh-hem. Asahi would like to take a second to say 'Sorry'. He just hates Walgreen's and all these people that think they are the only one to buy these things then they take them home to realize that, nope, EVERYONE OF THEIR NEIGHBORS HAS ONE!!!

It's like 'ugly' in multiple.

Also, Asahi says note the lack of snow.

Here's a lovely shot:

Now, believe it or not folks, there's no actual wind in this shot. The palm tree just look like they are swaying in the wind thanks to all the hurricanes that raped us this season. But it makes for a nice postcard, no?

HOHOHO.

Yes, that's my Christmas. 94 degrees on a cool day, old farts that are even nastier now that the season of giving and sharing and love has come around, and palm trees.

I hate the palm trees. I want to move.

But of course it will be cold in late January and early February when nobody wants their titties to freeze. Of course, cold to the Floridians is 65 degrees. That is when everyone starts bitching and whining, "oh my god, it's freezing, I moved to Florida to get away from this weather."

Well, move to Mexico. I heard there are vacancies, folks there are leaving for the US, you know. And if you find any children in those quarter-fetch-it machines, I'll put them up. Special bond, you understand.

Asahi says "the price is right"

Just got cable but I think the cable guy stole the clicker. I was stuck on family feud but now it's Bob Barker. The showcase chicks on this show look like Barbie dolls. I'm sure that's the point, but damn. I wonder how much they get paid.

"I don't hate anybody in this world, but I really don't like Peter Jennings."

Hmmm... Out of everyone in the world you can choose to almost hate... Who the hell would pick Peter Jennings? I mean out of all the people in the world that could place into your tiny little beating heart the rage of an animal... Peter Jennings?

Good Loisha.

I don't hate, I disassociate.

Monkey flubber with the ex-lax button and your mother talking about sex over AIM. That's no good.

captain my captain

Oh, how I love you Mista Morgan. And it's Thursday, our date night. You're one yummy bitch with a little Mountain Dew to disguise your strong opinions.

http://www.davesdaily.com/pictures/120-getmeout.htm

I think that's how my mother found me. In some dingy by the wayside Mexican restaurant where the machines barely even take the quarters anymore and the cockroaches are just part of the ambiance. I think she doesn't doesn't want to tell me that I am an orphan, a random victim of the meaningless grime crimes that run rampant in Guatamala. Those god damned nuns.

How I got to Mexico, I'll never know. I suppose I hitched a ride with those midnight trucking faeries. Maybe some decent drunkard thought I was the worm at the bottom of the bottle. All I know is the next thing that poor family owned and operated restuarant knows is there is a little white orphaned child from Guatamala sitting inside their toy machine.

I'm sure at first they were going to take me out but then, hey, you know how it goes. What would Jesus do, right? So they left me in there while all the Mexicans around tried to get me out with their quarters.

So I dreamed that Frau Far Bissina, my horribly balanced and atrociously adorable hamster, had the voice of the woman travel agent at work. Imagine the Hollywood agents circa 1950 with the gravelly voice that dealt mainly with porn stars or little people. Or both.

Either way she was telling me not to eat all the cheese because the penguin in the ice box wanted some.

bare on the cross

...lost again, dead in her refelction...

...flying in that Cesna, with Glenn Miller and that picture of my girl, I'm like some kind of sky-riding cowboy or fallen angel with his crooked halo for a bracelet...

fucktard

KFC

me: "I'd like a number two."

@$#%!: "Crispy or original."

me: "Crispy."

@$#%!: "Ok, well, we only have original right now."

me: "Fine. Then I'll take that."

@$#%!: "So, you want original?"

Sigh.

No, actually I *want* crispy but apparently I'm not getting crispy so I'll live with original. As the comedian (I have forgotten his name for the moment) says to the idiots, "here's your sign".

The funny thing is this was a rare pure-bred idiot, not just an unlucky sap with an involentary mind spasm. Like my spelling of "involuntary" just now. I really have enough of those (mind-spasms) a day.

@$#%! was still offering crispy to the people behind us. I heard her. With two more customers (the funny thing with KFC; fast food to them is 10 minutes in the drivethru).

Here's a few more signs. Because I won't be there to hand them out.

anticipation

Okay, so is it wrong that I want one of those buddy/pal thingies that is like a palm pilot but connects you to the internet SOLEY so that I can go browse the internet while on the pooper?

Apparently yesterday was just one of those days where everything that happens affects you to the subconscious point where you'll be dreaming about it all night. Nothing big or bad or great happened. I don't know if it's a state of mind I get in or what, but it happens every month just about the time I go postal. Doesn't matter what I do in the day, I dream about it.

So I had a dream last night that I was making buttons with a button making machine and it got taken away before I could think of anything cool to make. Well I got pissed and ran out there (out where? I don't know but I do, therefore it was "out there" ) screaming, but couldn't find the culprit (Little R).

Then I was outside and this HUGE lady with a red wig was yelling at me to get off the pedestal because Billie Jean was playing in the background (incidentally the song is what reminded me of this whole dream) and she said it was because I was standing there. I was mad at her because I KNEW that it wasn't my fault. So I got off and sure enough the music was still playing. So we started yelling at God (which is funny because I'm more agnostic than anything) to "please stop the bad man's music."

Okay. Not done.

I also dreamed of work and answering phones for the travel agents who had moved to the other side of the building (because we're expanding in RL) even though it technically wasn't ready. In fact, it still looked like it does now. Like a construction zone.

I wasn't the actually receptionist anymore, I was the office manager, but I was doing her job which I guess made it still sort of mine. I was running around frenetic like. And the receptionist next door came out of the bathroom and was telling me some rumor that was about me. It was an insult but also a complement.

I just don't remember what she said.

The damned phone calls kept waking me up (in RL) and when they finally stopped (in the dream) a large rabbit with a rat's face started chasing me. When I got away it was to smoke a cigarette which was made of candy. I don't smoke. I dumped it in this water bottle, or so I thought. When I looked down there was a fucking huge toad sitting there with a mouth the size of a punch bowl. I got really scared and he started chasing me.

When I turned around there was this pair of scissors chasing me instead and they were bigger than a car.

I woke up to my dog's jowls on my face.

journals, writing and the big fake O

Yeah, so empty notebooks and fresh pens and unique journals are for some reason things that catch my fancy. Rough pages, odd covers, places for pictures to be pasted and all that jazz.

I suppose it's the undiscovered journey of the blank pages, the possibility, the future inspiration that would incite one to fill those pages, the longing for future words penned in haste, anger, passion, anything.

It's also something inside me that desires that flow, that 'writer's high' where you're inside the words, the world, the characters. I love it and I live there. The only truth I live with is the truth I write. (Anyone can catch that, surely, when they realize that most all writers write is lies and I am one of them).

I still don't know why anytime I am caught looking at journals at work I react as if I have been looking at porn. No big naked body parts or woman in the throes of fake orgasm on screen and yet I get all jittery and stutter my words.

the mojo in my jojo

If I were a villain I would definitely be Mojo Jojo. At least he was the coolest option. There are still some awesome people out there that I could be.

I could be Donald Sutherland. He's not really a villian or anything, but he's still a cool choice.

Now I know that when I show up to an office party as a wallflower, all I need to do the be the single happiest sap there is incite arguments between all the married fools.

When I finally got it, I didn't wanna let it go. Nope.

http://bbspot.com/

alazka, knew yorki & poop

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female

Fairbanks : Alaska : United States

32 recent posts (1562 total)

Interests: ...meeting new people...

First of all, not going to make the obvious comment about time and number posts and having too little else to do where she lives.

"Alaska. Meeting new people." Isn't that like saying 'I live in New York City. I hate strangers.'

Maybe I'm just not knowledgable enough on Alaska. Hmmm... Something new to say I'll study and then be distracted by something shiny. Like tinsel. Which, by the way, they should re-advertise as Pet Poop Decoration instead of something for the dead tree in your living room. As long as you're decorating waste...

semi colon chemicals and other malfunctions of the human body

I baked chocolate chip cookies by myself today. Practicing for when I end up giving them out for the culmination of the Season of Greed and Grouch and oh, yeah Giving. Did a damn good job if I might say so myself. After the third batch I learned how to make them into shapes/textures that could be classified in sections other than "floppy cookie goop". If cookies have sections in which to be classified.

Anyway, now I feel accomplished. I think the world will be okay now.

Random thoughts of the day:

*Little R: "Now, Becca, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but blahblah about the highlighters and blahblah about the white out and blahblah about the blue & black pens."

MyThoughts: OCD can be debilitating. If only we were that lucky.

*Lesson Learned: Having a good sense of humor is a GREAT thing. It's even better when you use it.

*Finding cups of water everywhere today. What could THIS mean? Either I am imagining things or someone with Alzheimer's is very thirsty.

*Walking Talking Slime now works here. Interesting to find that though it has no actual spine it can stand up straight.